Pagan Pizza

Songs

Scotland Depraved

Artist: Trad and Anon

Bring me some whiskey, mother
I'm feeling frisky, mother
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night!
I need a lover, mother
No, not my brother, mother
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night!

Gerbils don't make it, mother
They just can't take it, mother
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night!
Owls, bats and other critters
Just tend to give me jitters
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night!

Sheep never talk about it
They never ever doubt it
Always affectionate, so loving and nice!
Give me that lanolin.
Better than flannel-in.
I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night!

Bring me a beast, dear mother

Nay, not the priest, dear mother

I need a sheep to keep me warm through the night!

Bring me a sheep, dear mother

Slip it beneath the covers,

England may rule the seas,

But Scotland’s depraved!

Cats on the Rooftops

Artist: Trad and Anon

To the tune of “Do you ken John Peel?”

 Cats on the rooftops, cats on the tiles     

Cats with syphilis, cats with piles

Cats with their assholes wreathed in smiles

As they revel in the joys of fornication.

The crocodile is a funny animile

He only gets it once in a while while

But when he comes he floods the Nile

As he revels in the joys of fornication.

The donkey is a lonely bloke

He very seldom wets his poke

But when he does, he lets it soak

As he revels in the joys of fornication.

ARTIST: Trad and Anon

TITLE: Happy Birthday

Happy birthday - ugh!

Happy birthday - ugh!

Plague and famine in the air [Gloom and doom and dark despair]

People dying everywhere / Happy birthday...

May the candles on your cake

Burn like cities in your wake / Happy birthday...

See the women wail and weep

Kill them all but save the sheep / Happy birthday...

You're a period cook, 'tis true

Ask the beetles in the stew / Happy birthday...

Now your jail-bait days are done

Let's go out and have some fun / Happy birthday...

May your deeds with sword and axe

Equal those with sheep and yaks / Happy birthday...

You must marry very soon

Baby's due the next full moon / Happy birthday...

Your servants steal, your wife's untrue

Your children plot to murder you / Happy birthday...

They stole your sword, your gold, your house

Took your sheep but not your spouse / Happy birthday...

Were I sitting in your shoes

I'd go out and sing the blues / Happy birthday...

So you've lived another year

Age to you is like stale beer / Happy birthday...

So you're 29 again

Don't tell lies to your good friend / Happy birthday...

The Black Death just struck your town

You yourself feel quite run-down / Happy birthday...

Indigestion's what you get

From the enemies you 'et / Happy birthday...

See the lines upon your face

Like the pattern of old lace / Happy birthday...

At your age you ought to learn

First you pillage, then you burn / On your birthday...

I like children, yes I do

Baked or broiled or in a stew / Happy birthday...

I'm a leper, can't you see

Have a birthday kiss from me / Happy birthday...